What did I expect..

Well that’s all she wrote. Months of memories have come to an end, but I should’ve known.

The fucked up part is I knew and I allowed her to fuck with my feelings. I knew nothing would come from this, but I always had hope.

It’s crazy; life’s crazy.

The most fucked up part is she had a boyfriend this whole time. So in reality why should I even want her? If she would do this shit to her boyfriend then what would she be capable of doing to me?

My reaction to this is wanting to tell her boyfriend, but what for? It will only lead to problems and will only make matters worse.

So now I’m here, heart broken, debating my current mind set.

FUCK LOVE SUCKS

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Should I kill myself.

Honestly it sucks to say, but things may be easier; that is for my self. I’m not a coward and I wouldn’t want my family to suffer so I’d probably never do it, but it’s a thought.

The second a spark of light comes into my life it goes away. Love. Family. School. Jobs.

I never had a family growing up and still don’t, so relationships are my family.

Girls will kill you. Cold blooded. You spend so many hours, money, and thought into what they see as nothing?

You exposed the truth behind you, you get so comfortable with someone they become you.

Then it ends? That’s it? You did nothing wrong.

“I think it would be best.”

Six words that will crush your world. Your everything. Why..

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I’m a nice guy..

That’s my problem, I’m a nice guy. I am always too nice to girls and then they take advantage of it. I don’t understand.

Why do girls like dick heads?

I’ve been talking to this girl now for a couple of months and in the beginning I was a dick head. I pushed her away, and didn’t really have any commitment; but she liked that. I would ignore her and she’d blow my phone up, call me, FaceTime me, you name it.

Fast forward a couple months and now I have some feelings and am maybe overly nice. I send the “goodnight/goodmorning” texts, ask about her day, and so on, but she doesn’t like it; at least it seems. We had plans for today for about a week now and she now is coming up with all these excuses, it’s ridiculous.

I’m thinking maybe it true, girls like dickheads. Maybe I’ll start ignoring her again and see how it goes.

 

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Meeting up with an old friend.

So I’ve become pretty open on this blog, and I like that.

I’m different, and that’s cool.

UPDATE: So this girl I had a thing with a while back is out of rehab..

Great way to start a post, huh?

She’s been messaging me, and wants to meet up again; but for some reason I feel like I shouldn’t. Before drugs took over her life she was a great person, and yes she’s clean now and I shouldn’t judge someone by their past, but I mean..

Should I put myself in a situation like that? I feel like associating with people of that past isn’t good news.

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Living Life On The Edge

I write because it’s an escape from society, an escape from my mind; A place where I allow my thoughts to come to life and express my feelings. I hope people can sadly, but realistically relate to where I come from.

Anxiety sucks, and at-least to my knowledge life sucks. Yes they’re is a percentage of people who have great lives, jobs, and relationships, but they’re is also others. Others like you and I, people who need to escape a little sometimes.

I take long lonely drives by myself to clear my head, I abuse drugs and alcohol when I can, and I even stay up all night arguing in my mind over decisions I should’ve made.

No, I am not suicidal. I would never think that way. I may be depressed, but when I’m away from reality life is good. Life is great.

 

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First night sleeping sober 

It’s been awhile, maybe a little too long. 

I’ll give my body some well needed rest and let me face reality like the others. 

Drugs and alcohol help, but I like being sober some nights. 

Girls are too much to handle, so I prefer drinking a handle. 

I thought I had something special with this new girl, but I’ve impulsively jumped to conclusions too soon.

Life’s too sweet; life’s a journey. 

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